


Second Chances

by aetherene



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Frat Boy Theo, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 23:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11241081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aetherene/pseuds/aetherene
Summary: Theo Raeken, infamous pantydropper and manwhore of his fraternity, sees his ex-girlfriend (first love) over the summer and the meeting instigates feelings for her that he thought he had forgotten. Now he wants her back. Mackenzie, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with him, even going as far as to climb out of his bedroom window and shimmy down a pipe. But now Fate’s having her way with them…





	1. July

> **Darling heart, I loved you from the start**  
>  **But you’ll never know what a fool I’ve been**   
>  **Darling heart, I loved you from the start  
>  ** **But that’s no excuse for the state I’m in  
>  ** **-Hardest of Hearts by Florence + The Machine**

 

His epiphany came in the form of a girl in a white sundress, dark hair brushing against her shoulders, light pink lips, and dark eyes that barely met his.

It echoed in his head, in his chest, forever immortalized by the photo he had taken of his ex-girlfriend. He shouldn’t have been staring at it on the kitchen counter, but he couldn’t help himself. The memory of their most recent meeting had ingrained itself inside of him like roots in the ground. It wasn’t going away, and he didn’t want it to.

“Who is that?” his best friend Jackson asked when he spotted Theo staring at his phone. He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Is that chick gonna be your latest conquest?”

Theo shut off the screen and shoved his phone into his pocket. He scratched the back of his neck and frowned. “Not really.”

“Then why are you staring at a picture of her?”

He debated telling Jackson the truth behind the picture, but the idea of being ridiculed for it crossed his mind. Theo Raeken, infamous panty dropper of the Beta Sigma Psi fraternity, no longer had any intention of continuing with his manwhore tendencies. That sounded like a joke in itself.

But Theo took his phone back out and opened it, showing Jackson the photograph. “That’s my ex-girlfriend. Saw her a few weeks ago. Honestly, it made me want her back.”

Jackson peered at him over the phone, eyebrow raised. “Are you fucking serious?” he asked. “Like a serious relationship sort of thing?”

Theo ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah.”

Jackson turned back to the photo, pointing to the girl. “I know her,” he said. “Mackenzie Steren, right? She’s Lydia’s study partner. They’re together a lot in the library.” After a moment, he added, “You used to date Steren? Wait, you’ve _dated_?”

“Fuck you,” said Theo, taking his phone back. “She’s my first girlfriend. Dated when we were fifteen. I guess you could say she’s my first love?”

“Well shit. How did this change of heart happen?”

Theo groaned, banging his forehead on the island countertop. “I don’t know man,” he answered, “I just saw her on that boardwalk and felt like I needed her back.”

Jackson stared at him for a moment. “Why?”

It was a very simple question. The answer was on the tip of his tongue, and one that he had not said in six years.

* * *

 His parents have had a beachfront vacation home in Florida before he was even born. It was in a prime location; not only was it right on the beach, but it was walking distance to the boardwalk filled with stores and restaurants. His whole family went there frequently for the summer to unwind.

But he hadn’t intended his summer to turn out like it did. He hadn’t gone back to Florida for several years, instead, opting for other adventures with his frat brothers. He had liked the idea of going back this summer with the intention of having a string of hookups with girls that were substantially different than the ones he ran into at school.

Half a week into the trip, Theo and his parents had gone out for dinner on the boardwalk. They were waiting to be seated when his mother caught sight of familiar figures walking through the crowd.

“Joel! Susan!” his mother called out.

He didn’t register it in his head as his parents greeted Mr. and Mrs. Steren. The Sterens had their own vacation home there in Florida, just several houses down the road from his. It shouldn’t have surprised him that they would be there on vacation.

His eyes snapped up the moment he heard his mother exclaim, “Oh my goodness! Mackenzie! Look how gorgeous you’ve become! I don’t think I’ve seen you since high school!” His mother wasn’t lying. He had forgotten the last time he really looked at her because his memory of her at fifteen was completely different from how she was now at twenty-one.

Mackenzie smiled softly, kissing his mother on both cheeks. “Thank you, Mrs. Raeken. It’s great to see you again.”

Theo’s mother began talking excitedly to Mackenzie’s parents, and he caught parts of it, mostly on his mother’s insistence that the Sterens dine with them. He kept his eyes on Mackenzie though, admiring the way the corners of her lips curled upwards, lighting up her whole face as she brushed her hair out of her eyes. He pulled his phone out, and as discreetly as he could, snapped a photo of her.

The softness she had shown his parents was gone when her eyes landed on him, her smile disappearing. He felt his heart clench for a split second. “Hello, Theo,” she greeted, her voice polite, cool, almost distant.

“Hey,” he greeted with a flicker of a grin. She turned her eyes away from him, looking back at his parents, listening to their conversation.

They were seated across from each other at the table. She had pointedly looked everywhere in the room _but him_ and his heart gave another clench. He took the snapback off his head and ran his hand through his hair, tugging it to relieve some frustration. He shouldn’t have blamed her for her cool attitude towards him. After all, he was the one who broke her heart.

“So where is Heather?” his father asked. “Sarah tells us she’s working on the details of her wedding!”

“She’s doing just that. It’s mostly just getting the wedding party’s suits and dresses finalized right now,” said Mackenzie, smiling. “The wedding isn’t for another seven months, but Heather likes to be on top of everything.”

The summer before his freshman year in high school, the Raekens and Sterens had found out that they were staying in vacation homes down the street from each other. Their parents befriended each other, and Theo and Mackenzie’s elder sisters were already friends because they were close in age and in the same grade. This meeting made them best friends; as such, this now lifelong friendship caused Heather Steren to name Sarah Raeken as her maid of honor for her wedding. Both families were even more excited when Theo and Mackenzie started dating, and were devastated when they broke up. (A furious Sarah almost hit her brother when he broke the news to her.)

“And the wedding will be here?” asked Mrs. Raeken.

“Of course,” said Mr. Steren. “This place has a special place in her heart. Heather was quite upfront about it. Said she wanted to get married overlooking the ocean.”

“Sarah told you that you’re invited, of course?” asked Mrs. Steren.

Mrs. Raeken smiled and nodded. “She did. We wouldn’t miss it for the world. Right, Theo?”

He tried to imagine Mackenzie in a bridesmaid dress, walking down the beach with the smile he remembered, thinking what she would look like against the backdrop of the sunset. He grinned, still staring at her and said, “Right. Wouldn’t miss it.”

She kept her eyes trained on her plate, cutting her food into small pieces.

“Mackenzie.” She glanced up at Mr. Raeken. “Where are you going to school now?”

“Beacon Hills University,” she answered.

“Oh! Theo goes there too,” his mother replied, wide eyed. “He’s never mentioned seeing you there before.”

A wry smile passed her lips as she finished cutting up the last piece of chicken on her plate. “I imagine that we run in different social circles and have different majors that don’t overlap,” she replied, glancing up at him briefly, her face frozen in indifference.

Dinner passed on, and Mackenzie did not look at him again. It made him feel somewhat unnerved. Being on that boardwalk suddenly made him feel like he was fourteen and fifteen again. He remembered the smell of rain, chasing after her through the downpour of drops, their lips brushing against each other once for a moment and then again for what felt like a lifetime. He could hear music echoing in his ears and the experimentation of skin against skin. He felt like he could remember every smile she ever flashed at him, every laugh that rushed out of her throat, and every song she sang around him and everything inside of him began to ache.

As he watched Mackenzie and her parents leave after dinner, the ache didn’t disappear. When he broke up with her six years, he didn’t look twice at her. Now noticing her again, guilt began to seep in. Was this how she felt when he stopped looking at her? It was a fucking awful feeling, and he didn’t want to feel like this. He wanted to feel like how he did at fifteen again; carefree, laughing, running through the rain, _in love_ with her.

“Mackenzie, wait!” he called out to her retreating back, jogging to catch up.

Mr. and Mrs. Steren glanced back at him but continued to walk away, not wanting to eavesdrop. Mackenzie turned around to face him, her dress billowing around her. Her dark eyes watched him, cautious and guarded.

He ran a hand through his hair, nervous. “I, uh, don’t have your number anymore. I was thinking, if you give it to me, we can go out to dinner and catch up,” he said, smiling.

“That’s not necessary,” she answered without hesitation. She tilted her head at him slightly. “Goodbye, Theo.”

His heart clenched painfully when she left him standing on the boardwalk, walking hastily to catch up to her parents, the white sundress fluttering as she moved. He wanted her back. That was the only thing he knew now.


	2. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Downpour. Vinyl. Run. _Mackenzie._

> **It’s a perfect day for a fight  
> ** **Running after me in the pouring rain  
> ** **Screaming, “Baby you were right  
> ** **I need you, I need you.”  
> ** **Calling my name is a twisted game  
>  ** **Cause it wears me down till I love you more  
>  ** **-All of You by Peter Thomas (feat. Betty Who)**

 

When Kira saw Mackenzie in the doorway of the Alpha Gamma Omega frat house, relief spread over her face and she got up from the coffee table.

“You’re a freaking life saver, you know that?” she said, grinning.

Mackenzie smiled back, handing her a textbook and a binder littered with papers. “No problem. You owe me dinner though.”

Kira Yukimura and Mackenzie Steren had been roommates since their first semester of freshman year. Kira was an electrical engineer major while Mackenzie majored in chemistry, but they had grown close over the years. Due to their choice to pursue difficult majors, they both knew they would be stuck together for another year instead of graduating in the average four years but that was fine with them.

Kira nodded. “Fair enough. I made you come all the way out here when you have class soon.” She took her textbook and binder to the coffee table where the rest of her study materials were spread out. Her boyfriend, Scott, was the head of the AGO fraternity and so she was frequently over at the frat house instead of her dorm. “Did you drive?”

“Nah. I know this is far from the dorm, but my next class isn’t too far off,” answered Mackenzie, waving her hand.

“Maybe you should have. It looks like it’s gonna rain,” Kira remarked, staring out of the window.

Mackenzie peered at the sky outside. Kira was right. The clouds were steadily covering each inch of the sky and getting darker.

“It was clear when I was walking here,” she said, frowning. “California, you’re showing your unpredictability again.” Mackenzie straightened up, pulling her large sweater around her and adjusting her hold on her backpack. “I better get a head start then before it rains.”

“Be safe!” Kira called out as Mackenzie left.

The AGO house was at the end of the road, and the street was dedicated to only fraternity houses. The street of sorority houses were on a street over from the fraternities. Mackenzie had barely made it to the end of the cul de sac when the rain started. It began with a drop before it started pouring, drenching her within seconds.

“Fuck!” she cursed, slinging her backpack above her head and sprinting down the street. Her backpack was no good in shielding her from the onslaught of rain, pummeling her skin like bullets. Her sweater weighed against her body, soaked and heavy.

The rain blinded her and before she could move out of the way, she crashed into someone. Her backpack flew out of her hands and onto the sidewalk. She fell forward, landing on her knees, her skin skidding painfully against the wet concrete.

“Are you insane?” someone yelled. The person grabbed her by her upper arm, hauling her up. Mackenzie looked up, her eyes meeting her ex-boyfriend’s. “What do you think you’re doing running through this downpour?”

“I need to get to class!” she shouted over the rain. She rushed over, grabbing her backpack, but Theo seized her by the arm, tilting his umbrella over their heads.

“You’re not gonna make it to campus like this,” he said quietly in her ear.

“I’ll be fine!”

Despite her protests, he dragged her into the yard of one of the houses. As she looked up, she could see it was the BSP frat house. Inside, the cold seemed to really hit with the way her clothes clung to her skin. Theo nudged her towards the stairs, ignoring the small puddle that had formed on the front mat. “Come on. I’ll let you use the shower so you don’t catch a cold,” he said.

She scowled. “You realize that’s not how it works, right?” she answered, ascending the staircase. “People don’t get colds by standing outside in the rain for a long time.”

Theo dropped Mackenzie’s damp backpack on the floor of his room and collected a hoodie and a pair of boxers from his dresser as Mackenzie continued to rant, “People get colds from viruses. _Rhinovirus_ is the most common virus that causes colds. We don’t catch it from just standing out in the rain. And pneumonia! You don’t get that either! It’s caused by microorganisms that bypass the lungs’ defenses. If all these viruses were found in the rain, everyone would be infected. It’d be pandemic. That’s why it isn’t true that people get colds from being in the rain too long!”

Theo guided her into the bathroom at the end of the hall and held up the dry clothes to her. “Fascinating. Tell me more after you’ve showered,” he replied with a smirk. She gave him a scathing look, snatching the clothes from his hand and slamming the door shut.

She huffed, slipping her heavy sweater off and wringing the water out in the sink. She dropped it onto the floor and soon each article of clothing joined it. Mackenzie stepped into the shower and sighed in relief when the warm water began to wash over her. She peeked through the shower curtain to make sure the door was still closed. She knew that Theo’s brothers were in the house, but the impulsion to sing was starting to get to her.

She loved it, she really did. Her mother enrolled her in singing classes when she was a kid, and she was part of choirs throughout high school. She had no intention of being a vocal major in college ( _it’s just not_ _practical_ ) but she always loved singing in the shower.

She started off low. It was uncomfortable at such a tone, but she didn’t want to be heard by the whole house. “ _Babe, there’s something tragic about you. Something so magic about you._ ”

Mackenzie grabbed one of the bottles of shampoo she found in the shower. She didn’t have much of a choice in the matter of getting clean; she was in a house occupied by only boys after all. She may as well smell like one for the day. “ _Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know_.”

She kept singing as she turned off the shower, grabbing the closest towel off the rack and drying herself with it. She slipped into Theo’s clothes ( _oh so warm_ ) though she felt uncomfortable about it. Girls did not wear their ex’s clothes, especially with no bra or panties underneath. There was an intimacy to it that she did not want to remember or have with him again.

“ _I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door._ ”

She opened the door, humming the final notes of the song, wet clothes in her arms. She stopped short when she saw Theo leaning against the doorway of his room, but he was not alone. Several of his other brothers were standing in the hallway staring at her, curious, impressed. She could only recognize a few: her study partner’s boyfriend, Jackson, was among them along with Jackson’s other best friend, Danny, and the twins, Ethan and Aiden.

“What’s going on?” she asked cautiously, wringing the wet clothes with one hand.

“We all heard you singing,” said Theo, smirking. “Attracted us here like a siren.”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “If I was a siren, I would have drowned you already.”

Theo’s smirk only seemed to get wider and it made her anxiety start to grow in her stomach. He walked to her, taking her wet clothes from her. “I’ll put these in the dryer. You can hang out in my room while you wait.”

Mackenzie spotted Jackson’s smirk and she hesitated before carefully walking down the hall. Each step on the cold, hardwood floor felt like a nail of shame, nailing her coffin shut.

“All right, nothing to see here. Get back to your business!” Jackson yelled out, shooing his brothers out of the hall.

She tugged the sweatshirt down, rubbing her legs together in an effort to get some warmth in them. She moved to the window next to Theo’s bed and peered outside into the pouring rain. She should have stayed in the AGO house, she thought. She would have been with Kira and Scott and Stiles and whoever else was there. One of them could have driven her back to campus, but no. She had to be the _moron_ who tried to outrun Mother Nature. Now she was stuck in her ex-boyfriend’s bedroom waiting for her clothes to dry and the rain to stop. She didn’t need the ill feeling in her chest to tell her that this wasn’t wise.

Nothing ever felt wise when it came to Theo Raeken.

The door clicked open, and she could feel his eyes on her backside. She straightened up, turning to him. “I don’t think it’s gonna stop soon,” she said quietly.

His eyes flickered to the window. “I agree.”

She felt a small stab of pain on her knee. When she glanced down at her legs, she spotted the few scrapes from when she fell. “Do you have a first aid kit?” she asked.

Theo followed her gaze, spotting the scrapes, and nodded. He disappeared from the doorway. Her eyes scanned the room, unsure of where to sit. She finally settled on sitting on the floor at the foot of Theo’s bed, stretching her legs out in front of her.

“Here, let me,” he began, crouching beside her.

“No,” she said, taking the kit from his hands, “that’s not necessary.”

She could see the same words she said to him over the summer echo in his head. He frowned and moved away from her. He grabbed a book from his desk and climbed onto his bed while she began cleaning the abrasions. When she was done, she placed everything back into the kit and reached for her backpack. She pulled her books and papers out, surveying for any damage. The pages were damp but quickly began to dry when laid out on the floor.

“You can sit on the bed if you like.”

“No, thank you.” Beds were made for sleeping and fucking; two things that she had no intention of doing in that room.

It was quiet with the exception of him turning the pages in his book and her shuffling her papers around. She did prefer it if they didn’t speak at all, but the silence was starting to drive her mad. She almost wanted to sing to fill the space. Mackenzie leaned her head against the bed, eyes scanning the walls of Theo’s room. The blue walls were covered in the frat’s pennants and posters of sports and bands. Her eyes fell on a small wooden cabinet with glass doors and a record player perched on top, encased in its plastic cover.

“Are those your dad’s vinyls?” she asked. She glanced back at him on the bed.

Theo nodded. “Yep.”

“He gave them to you?”

“Yep,” he answered again. “Gave them to me a few years ago for my birthday. Thought he should finally pass them on to me.”

A wave of nostalgia hit her. A smile formed on her lips and a spark of excitement lit up inside of her. “Do you mind?”

He grinned at her, knowing exactly what it was that was running through her head. “Go ahead. I’ve been adding to the collection lately.”

Mackenzie scooted closer to the cabinet, opening the doors. She ran her fingers along the stacks of vinyl, taking them out, and flipping through the titles and artists. She could recall when she was fourteen, her parents worked late most of the time so she and her sister would stay with the Raekens until they could be picked up. Instead of doing their homework, she and Theo would go through his dad’s vinyl collection and play them. She had learned the words of all the old songs that crooned out of the player while they danced together in the living room. Those were the moments that made her fall for him in the first place.

She stopped at one vinyl and held it up for Theo to see. “Arctic Monkeys? Really?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You don’t even like them.”

He laughed, his chest rumbling as he did. “I remember you do though.”

She turned away from him, from that smile she could only define as a kind of _fondness_ , feeling a stab of nerves inside of her. She really hoped he wasn’t implying what she thought he was. She slid the vinyl from its sleeve and set it in the player. She set the needle along the edge and after a few moments, she could hear the drums beat before being accompanied by the guitar riff.

“ _Ooh_ ,” she groaned, grinning. “That sounds _amazing_.”

_Have you got color in your cheeks?_

She began to sing along with the song, shifting her weight back and forth as her hips swayed to the beat. Mackenzie kept moving her body in tune to the song as she stared at what covered Theo’s walls. It wasn’t until she made a semi-twirl that she noticed that Theo had been intently watching her dance, a small smile on his face. It was like when they were having dinner on the boardwalk. He couldn’t stop staring at her then, and she couldn’t bear seeing him stare at her like he couldn’t get enough.

_Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new_.

He had no business looking at her like that anymore. He was the one who had ended their relationship six years ago. It probably wouldn’t have mattered now, but it always would to her. They were each other’s first for everything: first kiss, first relationship, first love, first time…first heartbreak. There was no way to forget something like that no matter how hard she tried.

_It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you_.

She tried to ignore his stares and continued to dance, fingers fiddling with the drawstring of Theo’s BSP hoodie. She eventually raised it to her lips, keeping the tip of the drawstring clenched between her teeth. She bit down, trying to relieve how self-conscious she felt and ran her fingers through her hair.

“I remember you used to do that too,” Theo said with a grin.

“Do what?” she asked, the drawstring still between her teeth.

“Bite on the strings of hoodies when you’re nervous.” A mischievous look flashed in his eyes and his grin grew wider. “Especially when it’s not yours.”

Mackenzie let the drawstring fall from her lips and blushed. The moment was gone and all she felt was discomfort under his gaze.

There was a knock at the door and Danny popped his head inside. “Dryer,” he said before retreating. Theo slid off his bed and disappeared into the hallway for a moment, coming back with her clothes.

“Here,” he said, handing them to her.

She murmured her thanks and took them into the bathroom. She sighed with contentment as she slipped her warm clothes on and changed out of Theo’s boxers and hoodie. Her sweater was hanging from the shower to dry, still damp. She glanced at the hoodie and with great reluctance, she slipped it back on.

“You’re still wearing my hoodie,” he remarked when she reentered the room. He was hovering over the record player, replacing the Arctic Monkeys vinyl with another.

“My sweater’s still wet,” she answered, holding it up. She laid it on her backpack and began gathering her now dry papers and shoving them into her bag.

Mackenzie stopped short when she heard the record player start to play a familiar tune. The drums and soft strings of the guitar blended together in harmony before the lyrics began.

_There’s something about the look in your eyes, something I noticed when the light was just right_.

“Do you remember this song?” Theo asked, glancing at her.

She could never forget it. She could recall the Florida humidity licking at her skin, the pitter patter of rain against the window, the high of being in love, and Theo smiling into their kisses. The record spun on the turntable, the song filling the room as clothes were shed onto the floor. Sweat made it easy for their bodies to slide against each other, though initially clumsy and uncoordinated. But everything in that moment seemed perfect.

“It’s the song that played during our first time,” she said softly. “Which was also the night when we first said ‘I love you.’”

_And it reminded me that you’re so worth the fight_.

The crash of nostalgia faded when she recalled what happened four months later. Her heart flared up with anger at the thought, and all she wanted to do was puke.

“Mackenzie--”

There was another knock on Theo’s door, and Jackson poked his head in. “I need to talk to you, dude,” he said, eyebrow raised.

“Can it wait?” Theo snapped, scowling.

“Not really.”

Theo cursed under his breath and followed Jackson out into the hall. The turntable continued to spin, the song never stopping. Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut as tight as possible, trying to block out all her memories of her first love. It seemed like a useless gesture; her memories lingered in the shadows, waiting for the opportune time to strike.

She shoved her damp sweater into her backpack and hastily slipped her shoes back on. Mackenzie shoved the window open and flung her backpack outside. She pulled the hood over her head and climbed out to the nearby pipe, shimming down it and starting her run away from the house. Her lungs ( _and her heart_ ) ached for rest as she ran but rest never came.

After all, no matter how fast she ran, she could never escape the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from eden - hozier // do i wanna know - arctic monkeys // echo - incubus


	3. September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold. “You _can’t_ have me.” _Mackenzie._

> **And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky ones  
> ** **Cause most of us are bitter over someone  
> ** **Setting fire to our insides for fun,  
> ** **To distract our hearts from ever missing them  
> ** **But I’m forever missing him  
> ** **-Youth by Daughter**

 

Mackenzie made Kira swear that no matter what, she would not let Theo Raeken into their dorm room or even reveal where she was. Kira agreed regardless of her confusion. ( _“Wait, how do you know Theo Raeken? Is that his sweatshirt you’re wearing?”_ )

The promise was broken when Mackenzie stepped out of the bathroom in her sweats and her hair wrapped up in a towel. “Hey, Kira, do you happen to have--” She was cut short when she saw Theo calmly sitting at her desk, watching her. “What the _fuck_?”

Kira flinched. “I’m so sorry! I tried to say you weren’t here but he pushed in--”

“Can you give us a minute, Kira?” Theo asked with a smile. “I’d like to talk to Mackenzie alone.”

Visibly uncomfortable with the juxtaposition of Theo’s pleasant smile and Mackenzie’s scowl, Kira nodded. She grabbed a notebook and her textbook and pointed at the door. “I’ll just be outside.” She laughed nervously and left.

“I don’t have time to talk,” Mackenzie snapped. “I have to get ready for a presentation so you should leave.” She pulled out a dress from her closet and then a pair of tights from the drawers beneath her bed, disappearing into the bathroom to change.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No, I haven’t.”

_Liar_.

She had been. She freaked when Theo had managed to bring up the memories of their relationship, and with the way she saw him staring at her, she knew exactly what he wanted. That was a ship that had sailed long ago, but there was the tug of nostalgia that he had done to her and that was frightening in itself.

So she hid for the past couple of weeks. That was why she made Kira cover for her. If she wasn’t in her dorm room, she was studying in obscure parts of campus. She was certain that Theo had mentioned this to Jackson who mentioned it to Lydia, and thus, she avoided studying with Lydia and only saw her during classes and labs. After all, if Lydia were to hear about Theo’s intentions, she mostly likely would have gotten excited and try to help them get back together.

“Yeah? Then why did you mail my sweatshirt back to me?” Theo asked with a chuckle. “You could have brought it back yourself.”

“I’ve been busy,” she answered, curtly, leaving the bathroom, fully dressed. She stood in front of the mirror and began combing out her tangled, wet hair.

“You must be very busy hiding from me, even going so far as to avoid your study partner too.”

Mackenzie tried not to cringe. Her refusal to answer showed itself when she turned on her hair dryer. Theo scooted the desk chair backwards to watch her better. She focused on drying her hair, training her eye to look only at her reflection. She didn’t need to see him to know that he was still staring intently at her.

“You should leave,” she said, shutting off the dryer and working on doing her makeup.

The smile faded from Theo’s face, replaced with a look more serious. He continued to watch her carefully as she tried to ignore him. He frowned and asked, “Why did you run?” When she gave no answer, he continued, “I could have driven you back to campus, but instead you climbed out of my window and ran off.”

She turned to face him, an ill feeling settling in her stomach again. “Why are you doing this?” she asked. She knew the answer to her question, but she had to put an end to it, for her sake and his. “When we broke up, you didn’t look twice at me. It was like I stopped existing. So why is it now that you stare at me like you can’t get enough? Is it because you realized that I grew taller or I grew tits and so you wanna make me your latest conquest? What do you want from me, Theo?”

Theo clenched his jaw, his eyes gazing into hers, serious and unapologetic. “I want you back.”

“You _can’t_ have me.”

Rain began to fall, hitting the window in a rhythmic tune, replacing the silence between them. Mackenzie slipped on her rain boots and pulled on her coat. She brushed past Theo to grab her backpack from under her desk and an umbrella from her bed.

Theo grasped her by her wrist as she passed by. She glanced at him and swallowed the lump in her throat. “You know I won’t give you up. I can’t give up, not when you’re my first.”

“Giving me up seemed pretty easy back then.” It was a low blow, but her heart had started to beat faster. It felt terrifying, knowing that Theo had rediscovered his feelings for her.

_“I don’t love you anymore.”_

Those five words echoed in her head like they did when he first spoke them to her. They rang painfully in her ears for a year and a half until they became a dull ache that seemed to eventually fade away.

She couldn’t go back down that road with him. He had broken her heart without warning or explanation. He stopped looking at her, stopped speaking to her. Every word he had said during their relationship became a lie, and she didn’t want to go through any of that again.

“I was fifteen, Mackenzie.”

“So was I,” she spat out, wrenching her arm back and stepping away. “I’d very much appreciate it if you left while I’m in class.”

In the hallway, Kira had seated herself on the floor with her textbook on her lap. Her head snapped up when the door opened.

“Make sure Theo leaves,” said Mackenzie, readjusting her backpack. “Call campus police if you need to.”

She raised an eyebrow at her roommate. “Are you gonna tell what’s going on between both of you?”

Mackenzie shrugged and began her trek down the hallway. “Maybe later!”

Kira shut her textbook shut and collected her binder. As she was standing up, she caught Theo’s eye from the doorway.

* * *

Mackenzie pushed her bedroom door open, hauling her belongings inside. She stopped short when she spotted Theo sitting at her desk chair, facing Kira. Their conversation stopped the moment Theo caught sight of her. She opened her mouth to say something, but Theo stood up, slipping on his jacket.

“I was just leaving,” he said.

Mackenzie crossed her arms as he started to pass her. He grasped her arm lightly and briefly pressed a kiss to her cheek. Her arms slackened slightly and her eyes fluttered shut, the net of nerves coiling in her stomach. “See you later,” he murmured in her ear and left.

She bit her lip for a moment. She hated how he was making her feel like she was fifteen again: in love, innocent, and young. She had spent a year and a half getting over him and six years not missing him. It was ridiculous how he could make her feelings rush back as if no time had passed at all. Because now she was twenty-one: not in love ( _for the most part_ ), innocence dead, and a bit wiser than when she was a teenager.

“I didn’t know you dated him before,” Kira replied as Mackenzie haphazardly shoved her coat and boots into her closet in her frustration.

“It was a long time ago,” she answered.

“He was your first.”

“A fact I cannot change.” Mackenzie sat down on her bed and sighed. “I hate this. I hate that he can do the simplest things and it just brings back the feelings I thought I had gotten over.”

Kira smiled congenially. “In the time that I was talking to him when he was here, I can tell you that he really loves you.”

Mackenzie shook her head. She couldn’t deny his feelings for her, but she couldn’t let him in again. “He had his chance long ago.”

Her roommate frowned. “But how do _you_ feel about him? I really would hate for you to lose a second chance because you followed your pride.”

Pride? Was that what that was? She only thought that it was an act of self-preservation. Theo had broken her heart once before. She couldn’t let him do it again.


	4. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notice. Genuine. “I’m sorry.” _Theo._

> **I’ve got you under my skin  
> ** **I’ve got you under my skin  
> ** **But you won’t let me in  
> ** **-Let Me In by Tim Victor and Segal**

 

Lydia Martin was quite calculating, Theo found.

His fraternity had a party weeks ago when Lydia had found out. Theo had expected Jackson to say something to her, but from her surprise, he had not.

It was to be expected that every party, Theo would chat up the girl he intended to fuck for the night. But that night, he stayed away from the girls, especially the ones who were known to throw themselves at him. Theo kept to his brothers and his drink in hand, his eyes constantly darting in the direction of the front door. When one fraternity on the street had a party, all the fraternities and sororities were invited. Beta Sigma Psi had some problems with Alpha Gamma Omega in the past, but it was water under the bridge now. And with Mackenzie’s roommate’s boyfriend the president for AGO, Theo had been expecting her to show up to the party.

That almost seemed like a lost cause though. He had never seen his ex-girlfriend at any fraternity party before, let alone his own.

“I’m quite surprised, Raeken,” Lydia yelled over the music.

“About what?”

“You haven’t flirted with a single girl since this party started,” she answered, peering at him inquisitively. “Plus, you keep looking at the door. Are you waiting for someone?”

“He’s hoping Mackenzie Steren will walk through the door,” cut in Jackson, handing his girlfriend a red cup.

She cast the two boys a bewildered look. “Mackenzie? How do you know her?”

“She’s my ex-girlfriend,” said Theo, his hand tugging at his hair.

She balked in surprise, letting the gears in her head turn. “You’re waiting for your ex-girlfriend, my study partner, to walk through the door,” she repeated slowly. She narrowed her eyes at him. “And what exactly are your intentions with her? Because if you’re just trying to fuck with her, I will _destroy_ you.”

Theo had no doubt about that.

“I want a second chance with her.”

Lydia cocked her eyebrow at him, resting a hand on her hip. “And why do you deserve a second chance with her?”

“Because I want to make things right,” he answered.

He had been the worst when he broke up with her. He had been the one to say ‘I love you’ first but four months later, he had doubted himself if it really was love. They were fifteen and stupid and it felt more like lust than love to him. He yearned for freedom to see other girls. And so he broke up with her without warning, said words that he knew had left a scar on her heart. He had been selfish, uncaring, of what he had done to her. Her cold treatment towards him was something he deserved, but he couldn’t give her up. He had slept with a number of girls ( _and dated even fewer_ ) but they were all distractions. He went through them like water, but Mackenzie had shared moments with him that no one else knew about. She was the only girl who knew him and the only one who ever had a hold on his heart.

“I was a moron at fifteen who wanted sex more than love so I broke up with her. I’ve been with a lot of girls but none of them made me feel like she did. I realized what I had missed when I saw her this summer, and _fuck_ , I need her back in my life.”

Lydia eyed him carefully before she nodded. “Okay,” she said, “okay, I’ll help you out.”

“Of course you will,” Jackson murmured, rolling his eyes, and Lydia smacked him on the arm.

“What are you going to do? Mackenzie doesn’t want me anywhere near her,” said Theo. His eyes darted to the front door again, just _hoping_ again that she would walk through.

Lydia smirked and took a sip of her drink. “I can get you two alone together. Everything else will be up to you.”

* * *

Lydia was humming as she got out of her car, bounding through the front yard of the BSP house. Mackenzie glanced up at the house and reluctantly got out of the car, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“What are we doing here?” she asked. “I thought we were going to go study.”

“We will,” said Lydia, smiling. “I just need to talk to Jackson for a few minutes.”

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. “You can’t do this with a text or a phone call?”

“No! Because this is something that should be done in person.” Lydia grabbed Mackenzie by the arm and dragged her to the front door and rang the doorbell. “Come on, don’t be shy. None of the boys bite.”

Theo opened the door and smirked. “Jackson!” he called out. “Your girlfriend is here!” He moved out of the way to let both girls inside. Lydia smiled pleasantly at him while Mackenzie looked exasperated; she looked more annoyed at the situation rather than seeing him again, he noted. Good.

Jackson appeared from the kitchen and grinned when he saw Lydia. “Hey, baby,” he greeted, kissing his girlfriend. He nodded his head towards Mackenzie, “Steren. Good to see you again.”

She inclined her head to him with a forced smile on her lips. “Whittemore. Can you get your talk with Lydia over already? We have an exam next week that we need to study for.”

Lydia grinned and grabbed her boyfriend’s hand. “This won’t take long, I promise,” she said with a wink, pulling her boyfriend up the stairs. Jackson smirked at Theo as he passed by.

Mackenzie’s mouth fell open in a mixture of stun and disgust. “Are they gonna--” The giggles upstairs confirmed her suspicions and she closed her eyes, trying to contain her irritation.

Theo chuckled. This was Lydia’s plan to get them alone together? It seemed to benefit her more than it did for him, really. “You should have expected that,” he replied with amusement.

“Oh my god,” she huffed, scowling. “I can’t believe this. This is ridiculous. We have an exam next week and all my study partner can think about is getting laid.”

“Well, they do say that sex helps relax you thereby improving test scores,” he laughed.

Mackenzie shot him a dirty look that made him shut his mouth though a laugh threatened to break through. “I’m leaving,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Didn’t Lydia drive you here?”

She scoffed. “Yes. Yes, she did. The next time I ever come down here, _I’m_ driving. Not walking or hitching a ride with someone else. Driving. Because I can’t stand being stranded here because it’s raining, or when it’s dark out,” she motioned to the darkness outside the window, “and there’s the possibility of being assaulted on my way back.”

“I’ll drive you,” he offered. “I don’t want you to get hurt while walking back.”

She hesitated, her chest heaving up and down from her rant. He could tell she was conflicted between her past attitude towards him and the situation at hand. He felt relieved when she murmured a “thank you” instead of replying with “that’s not necessary.”

“Do you want me to take you back to your dorm?” he asked, fishing his keys from his pocket.

She shifted her weight, readjusting her backpack. “I guess so. We left the library to get something to eat and then study more, but I guess I can just get something from the dining commons.” As if on cue, her stomach betrayed her, letting out a loud groan. Mackenzie flushed and began biting on the drawstrings of her hoodie.

Theo chuckled and grabbed his backpack from the couch. “How about we go to Denny’s? We can eat and then you can study and have coffee. Sound good?”

“No, it’s fine. I can eat at the commons and study in my room.”

“Mackenzie.” He looked at her insistently.

“It’s fine,” she repeated. Her stomach gave another growl, and she wrapped her arms around her waist to muffle the noise.

“You’re not the only one who has exams next week, y’know.”

A loud squeal from Lydia came from upstairs and Mackenzie cringed. She grasped Theo’s arm and pulled him to the door, “Let’s just go.”

* * *

He wasn’t studying.

It was hard to study when Mackenzie was sitting across the table from him and all he wanted to do was admire her. She had closed herself off throughout dinner, headphones slipped over her ears, and flipped through her textbook. With the table cleared and her mug filled with coffee, she was now practicing chemistry problems in her notebook.

Theo found it quite amusing to watch Mackenzie study. Her face was screwed up in concentration, focusing on writing down equations. She flipped to the back of her textbook to check the answer, and every time she was wrong, she would glower and mouth, “What?!” When she did get the answer right, the corners of her lips would curl up and she would dance in her seat to the tune of whatever song she was listening to.

He set his textbook down, his pen clattering onto the table. He had been reading the same paragraph for the past hour. His ex-girlfriend was too distracting with how cute she was being and how he kept thinking about the hundred something ways they could get back together. He sighed. This wasn’t exactly how he pictured help from Lydia would be like. He knew she could get him time alone with his ex-girlfriend, and Lydia did say that everything else would be left up to him. But she could have given him something else to use as a jumping off point. It felt like he was left alone with Mackenzie to sink or swim; it was a very high chance that he would sink, especially if Mackenzie was eager enough to hold him below the water.

Mackenzie looked up from her notebook and pulled off her headphones. “Are you okay?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Not really in the mood to be studying.”

“No one really wants to study. It’s just something you have to do,” she replied softly. She glanced at his textbook. “What are you studying?”

“Biology.”

“Biology? That’s your major?”

“Yep.”

Her dark eyes look at him dead in the face, something he felt she hadn’t done in a while. She was always looking away, hardly wanting to meet his eyes. A wry smile formed on her lips, “Everyone and their mom is a Biology major.”

“Thanks,” he muttered sarcastically. “Scott’s a biology major too, you know.”

“Exactly my point. Biology is the fourth most common major in all colleges.”

He met her eyes, leaning across the table slightly. “It’s a good stepping stone for a lot of careers. In the case of Scott, he’s using it to get into veterinary school.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Okay, then. What are you planning on doing with your degree?”

“Med school.”

This was the most conversation they had since they crossed paths and talking about their majors seemed like a start.

“Well good luck with that,” she said with a small smile. “I never pictured you as a doctor. Because, y’know, it actually entails caring about others.”

“I _do_ care about people,” he replied, his eyes boring into hers. Her words felt like a stab to the heart. It was another low blow from her, though he could not stop feeling like he deserved every bit of anger and bitterness she held. “More so now than when I was in high school.”

She averted her eyes away, fingers playing with her pen. The frown on her face eased away and her voice became softer. “You’re right. It’s not fair of me to say that.”

It became silent between them for a moment before he cut through it with, “What about you? Pharmacy school with yours?”

She nodded and hummed in approval. “I’m minoring in microbiology too, so if pharmacy school doesn’t work out, I can work in a hospital’s laboratory.”

The memory of Mackenzie laughing and singing popped into his head, making him smile. “I always imagined that you’d major in vocal performance. I always like it when you sing.”

A blush spread across her cheeks, and a smile ( _a real, genuine one_ ) surfaced on her lips. Her eyes met his, almost shyly, and Theo felt everything inside of him shake. He loved this side of her; she was always the prettiest when she was smiling.

“What am I gonna do with a vocal performance degree?” she laughed. “I’d like to be able to eat in the future.”

He matched her smile. “But you’d be doing something you love.”

She shook her head and chuckled, “I can still sing in my downtime and have the money for food.”

When they were in middle school, their school had a talent show every year. And every year, Mackenzie sang. She had confessed to him years later that she would love to be a performer, a singer, be in the opera, do _anything_ that required her to sing. Theo thought it was almost sad that she gave up her dream for a more practical reality.

“You could have double majored.”

“I could have. I considered double majoring in chem and micro, but I’m no genius like Lydia.” She shrugged, biting her lip. “She’s double majoring in physics and chemistry and she still has time for her sorority and a social life. I don’t have the capacity for something like that.”

It was a wonder how he had never seen her in the past four years. It seemed like there were so many different opportunities that they could have crossed paths. She and Kira had been roommates since they were freshmen, and Kira dated Scott since junior year of high school. Scott and Stiles joined AGO when they were freshmen, moving into the house as sophomores. It was true that AGO and BSP had fights with each other for years, avoiding each other’s parties (or not; BSP liked passing by to instigate fights). But when he and Scott became their frats’ respective presidents, the fraternities had tried to resolve their differences. With Mackenzie’s friendship with the AGO frat, Theo was sure that he would have seen her around. If it was not the fraternities, it should have been with their classes. He was required to take chemistry classes and microbiology for his major and though they were large lecture classes, he never saw her.

He stared at her, his eyes wandering over her face; from her dark eyes to the pink dust on her cheeks to her light pink lips. “How is it that I haven’t seen you around until recently?” he asked.

“I said it before, didn’t I?” She tilted her head to the side. “We don’t run in the same social circles.”

“But I’ve been going to AGO parties for the past couple of years. They’ve been going to BSP parties too. I’ve _never_ seen you anywhere near the frat houses.”

She leaned forward slightly, folding her arms on the table. Her eyes scanned his and her smile turned wry once more. “You never noticed me. I’m not there every day, but I’ve been there enough. I hang out with the AGO boys when I’m not busy, and the girls – Kira, Malia, Hayden, Lydia – they drag me out to their parties once in a while.”

He could only sit in silence. Had he always been so _blind_? He was worse than he thought.

“The truth is,” Mackenzie continued, “you would never notice me in a crowd. You and I both know that you didn’t notice me, _really notice me_ , until it was on that boardwalk and we were face to face.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. He didn’t know what else to say other than the two words that probably would never make a difference. The damage was done, but he still had to try to mend it. For her. “I’m sorry for everything I did.”

“I’m over it,” she said softly. “It happened. It’s done. So we should just…move on.”

_Move on from her_ , is what she really meant. No matter how much time had passed, no matter how long it was they didn’t talk for, he could still read her the same way she could read him. And Theo _knew_ that she was not over him just like how he wasn’t over her.

Feelings never did just disappear at a drop of a hat.


	5. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familiarity. Fall in love again. _Mackenzie._

> **Like lipstick traces on pillow cases  
>  ** **Some things in life are unforgettable  
>  ** **Like love, loss, lies, and us and whoa ohh  
>  ** **Some things in life are undeniable  
>  ** **-Adelaide by Anberlin**

 

Everything that Mackenzie did, Lydia was there with Theo in an attempt to push them together. It was quite easy for her to come up with the excuse to bring Theo along. It mostly involved bringing Jackson as well, which he was none too happy about. Since their dinner at Denny’s, Theo had remained stuck on her, making multiple attempts to flirt with her. She remained cordial with him, despite deflecting his flirting. There had been no progress between them; she was certain that Lydia was going to get frustrated soon and lock them in a closet to sort out their relationship.

It was a movie night at the AGO house that night. Mackenzie wasn’t sure if the whole frat would be there, but it was for sure a night to spend with her friends. She turned the knob of the front door, swinging it open. She almost hit someone going inside and took a step back.

“Whoa,” she murmured. She glanced up at the tall person she almost hit. She blinked a few times to make sure she was seeing things right. “Oh! Brett?”

The guy turned, looking down at her. An eyebrow quirked up in surprise. “Mackenzie?”

Mason was not far behind them and he approached the pair. “You two know each other?” he asked, bewildered.

Mackenzie nodded. “Uh, yeah. We sorta dated back in high school,” she answered with a small laugh.

Theo had been sitting on the couch next to Jackson, but the sound of Mackenzie’s voice had piqued his interest. Whatever insult Jackson was mumbling about Scott and Stiles went over his head as he tried to listen in to the conversation by the door.

“You used to date my boyfriend?” repeated Mason.

“Oh? Your boyfriend?” Mackenzie’s eyes lit up, full of mischief. She glanced between Brett and Mason and smirked. Winking at Mason, she added, “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

Brett smirked while Mason rolled his eyes. The three of them failed to notice the scathing look Theo had sent their way. “Leave, Mackenzie,” ordered Mason.

She began to laugh and moved around the couple towards a table full of soda and bowls of chips. Her eyes swept across the living room where her friends had started to gather; many of them were couples. Stiles and Malia were cuddling together in their matching flannel shirts ( _so cute, it’s disgusting_ , Mackenzie thought). Jackson and Theo were chatting, though Theo was disinterested in the conversation. Kira was sitting in front of the TV, flipping through the stack of DVDs while Scott was in the kitchen making popcorn for everyone. The only notable ones missing were Liam and Hayden.

She caught Theo’s eye briefly before she stopped at the table where Lydia was busy piling chips into a small bowl. “Jesus, I feel like a fucking 7th wheel here,” she commented to Lydia, stuffing a chip into her mouth.

Lydia smirked at her and whispered, “Well last time I checked, Theo was the only other single guy in this room.”

Mackenzie smiled sweetly at her. “Darling, you’re abhorrent.”

Lydia matched her smile and blew her a kiss. “I love you, too, babe.”

“Is the beer in the fridge?”

“Uh huh.” Lydia bounded over to the couch to sit with Jackson who looked so displeased at the thought of being in the AGO house.

“I’ll call you later, yeah?” Brett said to Mason. He leaned in to kiss his boyfriend goodbye.

Mackenzie felt the wave of mischief come over her. She quietly darted to Mason, squeezing his shoulders and whispering in his ear, “He’s a good kisser, yeah?”

The boys broke apart, Mason glaring at her. “Fuck off Mackenzie!” he yelled at her retreating back, her boisterous laugh echoing against the walls.

In the kitchen, Scott grinned when she entered. “So you used to date Talbot?” he asked, handing her a beer.

“Senior year of high school. He was the first guy I dated after I broke up with my first boyfriend,” she answered, popping the cap off and taking a swig.

Scott’s eyes darted in the direction of the living room. “You mean, Theo?”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Of course, nothing ever stays quiet in this group. Who else knows?”

“Everyone.”

“Jesus. No one can keep their mouth shut.”

Scott leaned against the island bar, taking a sip of his beer. “It sounds to me like you regret your relationship,” he said. “Since you don’t really like talking about it.”

“I don’t like talking about it because I don’t like to be reminded of what happened.” She sighed. “I don’t want to remember how good everything used to be because then I remember when all that stopped. Having your first love tell you that he doesn’t love you anymore is a pretty devastating thing when you’re fifteen.” She glanced at him, adding, “Do you know what I mean?”

He nodded, smiling wryly. “I definitely do.” The microwave began to beep. Scott opened it up and pulled out the bag of popcorn, pouring it into a bowl. “Y’know, when my first girlfriend and I broke up, I thought it was the end of the world. And then my mom told me something I’ll never forget: you fall in love more than once. It happens again, just as amazing and extraordinary as the first time and maybe just as painful.”

She smiled softly, and all of her past boyfriends seemed to flash through her head. There was Theo, the first one who taught her how to fall in love. Then there was Brett, the boy she didn’t love; the boy who wanted her with an almost violent passion, who coaxed her into pleasure more times than she could count. Then there was a guy named Phillip who was her second love; so good, so sweet, until a long distance tore them apart. Finally, her last boyfriend was a guy named Anthony, who showered her with material objects, but money could never replace love.

“I wish someone told me that when I was fifteen,” she answered, the smile still on her lips. “Your mom is right though.”

“Moms usually are.”

Lydia came into the kitchen at that point with her phone in her hand. “Liam and Hayden are almost here, so we’re gonna start the movie soon,” she said. “Better get situated in a spot!”

Mackenzie grabbed the bowl of popcorn and started to follow Lydia back into the living room when Scott nudged her.

“Wait, before we go, I gotta ask something.” He glanced into the living room again at Theo who was on his phone, looking semi-sour. “Elephant in the room. How do you really feel about Theo?”

She sighed. That was the question on everyone’s minds for four months. It was laid out on the table, plain and simple: Theo wanted her back. He had tried for the past four months to get back into her good graces. She had tried to dissuade him from trying to pursue her because the thought of possibly repeating history (and that pain) simply terrified her. He loved her, and she could tell.

“Honestly? I love him.” That wasn’t a lie. She could hide it, or attempt to, at least. But she knew Theo saw right through her just like how she could see right through him. It didn’t matter how angry she felt about how their relationship dissolved or what they had now or what could happen. The truth was that she loved him back. “A part of me always will. I don’t think that it will go away; it kind of comes with the territory. First love and all that.”

“Then what’s stopping you from getting back together with him?”

She smiled, sadness at the tip of her tongue. “I don’t want history to repeat itself.” She went into the living room where her friends had rearranged themselves on the couch and the cushions on the floor.

“Mackenzie, your spot is right there,” said Lydia, pointing to a spot on the couch between Theo and Mason.

“I’m sure it is,” she retorted, rolling her eyes. She took a seat between the two boys and crossed her arms, ignoring the smirk that had appeared on Theo’s face.

When Liam and Hayden arrived, the movie started. Mackenzie was focused on watching the movie until she spotted Theo from the corner of her eye, yawning and stretching to slip his arm around her shoulders. She rolled her eyes.

She leaned in close to him, bringing her lips to his ear. “You think you’re so slick,” she whispered and he smirked.

“That’s cause I am,” he murmured back. His fingers began to trace circles on her shoulder. “Is this distracting you?”

“More like annoying me.”

She didn’t mean it.

After a few minutes, Theo’s hand dropped from her shoulder, and dug his fingers lightly into Mackenzie’s side. She flinched, her hands flying up to cover her mouth to muffle the small grunt that escaped. Her friends briefly gave her a look before turning their attention back to the movie. Theo chuckled quietly when Mackenzie elbowed him in the side.

“You’re still ticklish,” he teased in her ear.

In a flash, Mackenzie dug her fingers into Theo’s sides, momentarily feeling his abs beneath his shirt. Theo flinched slightly and grabbed her hands.

“I know you are too,” she hissed.

All of it felt familiar. Like time hadn’t passed and they were still fifteen, teasing each other and flirting. Her hands tingled as Theo grasped them and her stomach made knots inside of her.

“Fuck it upstairs if you’re gonna keep this up,” Stiles said loudly, earning snickers from everyone and a large grin from Lydia.

Mackenzie grabbed some popcorn from the nearest bowl and threw it at Stiles’ head, glaring at him down the couch. She made a face when he threw some back at her. Theo reached up, dragging his fingers down Mackenzie’s spine, her attention snapping to him. He flashed a grin at her, eyes full of mischief. She turned back to the movie, thoroughly aware of the patterns Theo was tracing on her back.

The knots in her stomach continued to tighten and her heart began to beat faster. All of it felt so wonderful, so familiar, so _perfect_. So she let him run his fingers up and down her back, etching ‘I love you’ into her skin.


	6. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas. Dancing. Kissing. _Mackenzie._

> **It’s good to be in love  
> ** **It really does suit you  
> ** **Just like everything  
> ** **I’m happy you’re in love  
> ** **-Good to be in Love by Frou Frou**

 

“She seems different,” said Malia, watching Mackenzie dance around the living room with a beer bottle in hand. “And I don’t mean that because she’s been drinking.”

“She got really good grades in all her classes this semester, and they’re not exactly easy classes,” Hayden suggested.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s because she’s in love,” Lydia cut in, placing several empty beer bottles in the sink. “It’s been ages though and she still hasn’t gotten back together with Theo.”

“Give it time,” said Kira. “It’s not gonna happen overnight.” Lydia opened her mouth to say something but Kira cut her off. “And we will not interfere with silly methods. We’re not in a teen movie and we’re not juveniles anymore.”

Mackenzie swayed back and forth, steps traveling from the living room to the kitchen. She brightened upon seeing her girlfriends gathered in the kitchen. _“And so I fall in love just a little, oh little bit everyday with someone new,”_ she sang, pecking each of them on the cheek. Her voice continued to rise, singing joyously as she made her way around, throwing her empty bottle in the sink and getting another one from the fridge.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” asked Hayden.

“Darling, this shall be the last,” she replied, grinning, giving Hayden a thumbs up.

Hayden gave her a pointed look. “I will hold you to that.”

“I hope you do.” She pressed a wet kiss to Hayden’s cheek and went back into the living room where the boys were. _“I fall in love just a little, oh little bit every day with someone new!”_

Every time she sang that line, she began to press kisses to her friends’ cheeks, even Jackson. Her tipsy haze only fueled her euphoria, making her feel bolder than usual. The last person she went to kiss was Theo, who was seated on the couch. _“Love with every stranger, the stranger the better.”_ She cupped his face with one hand and laid a kiss on his cheek.

His eyes watched her, drifting down to her lips as she pulled away slowly. The intensity of his gaze made her body buzz. Theo’s lips curled into a grin, and he tugged her beer bottle from her hand and chugged the rest of its contents.

“That was mine,” she stated bluntly.

“Mine now.” His eyes ran down her body before tugging at the red poncho coat she wore for their Christmas party. “You look like Little Red Riding Hood in that,” he added with a smirk.

“Are you meant to be the big bad wolf?” she asked, an eyebrow raised. His wolfish grin answered her question. “Then I guess I should heed the hunter’s warning and stay away.” With one fluid motion, Mackenzie straightened up and twirled around, her coat flowing with her.

She hadn’t expected him to chase after her, but that is what he had been doing for the past several months. She shrieked when Theo sprang up from the couch, wrapped an arm around her waist, the fingers of his other hand digging into her side to tickle her. He half tickled her and half carried her into the kitchen. The guys raised their eyebrows as they passed but made no move to help her escape from Theo’s clutches. ( _“Jesus, just fucking date already,”_ muttered Jackson.)

“I think it’s time for Mackenzie to sleep so I’ll drive her back,” he said to the girls, flashing them a wide grin.

Any trace of alcohol disappeared, sobering Mackenzie up immediately. She struggled against Theo, trying to escape his arms. Her girlfriends looked absolutely amused by the display. Hayden had covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing while Kira and Malia smiled on pleasantly.

“That’d be lovely,” said Lydia, making no attempt to disguise her smugness.

“What about my car?!” Mackenzie yelled. A cross between a laugh and yelp escaped her throat when Theo tickled her again. She tried to grab his hands, unable to pry them away.

“ _I_ drove, remember?” said Kira.

“Traitor,” she hissed.

Theo set her down and jumped away to avoid Mackenzie’s attempt to smack him. “Say goodnight to your friends!” he yelled as he ran back to the living room.

“I fucking hate him,” she swore under her breath. She turned to Kira, pleadingly. “Please drive me back.”

“I would, but I’m staying with Scott tonight,” she answered, smiling.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. Of course her roommate would be staying with her boyfriend that night. She should have expected that from a group of friends who were in relationships.

“Oh. Hmm. Of course you are.”

“I’m sleeping in Liam’s room tonight,” said Hayden.

“I’m staying with Stiles,” Malia offered, raising her hand.

“Yeah, Jackson and I probably are gonna head back to the BSP house later,” said Lydia.

“Hmm. Enjoy that. Have fun.” She glared at her girlfriends for being no help at all. After all, they wanted to see her and Theo together while they all got to stay with their boyfriends and get laid.

“Mackenzie! Let’s go!”

The girls smiled at her and together they chimed, “ _Hmmmm._ ”

“Fucking fight me,” Mackenzie spat out, leaving them as they burst out laughing. She followed Theo outside and down the street to his truck. “Are you even okay to drive right now? You did just finish my last beer.”

“I have a higher tolerance to alcohol than you. I’m fine. You’re the one who’s drunk,” he answered.

“I don’t feel drunk,” she mumbled.

“Doesn’t mean anything.”

They climbed in Theo’s truck and he turned on the ignition. They were silent for a moment before she said, “I hate you, you know.”

Theo grinned at her. “Liar.”

* * *

 

“ _What_ is that?” asked Mackenzie when she saw Theo holding a gift bag he had gotten out from his truck.

“Your Christmas present.” He grinned, watching her eyes grow wide.

“I don’t need a present,” she said, grabbing Theo’s arm and pulling him in the direction of her dorm. She looped her arm around his; some of the alcohol had rushed back, making her feel hazy. It was better to walk with support in any case.

“You’ll like it,” he laughed. “I promise.”

When they reached Mackenzie’s room, she unlocked the door and flicked the light switch on. Theo moved to her desk and set down the bag as she undid her coat and hung it up in her closet.

“So what did you get me?” she asked, eyeing the bag curiously.

Theo moved in front of the bag and began taking the contents out and laying them on the desk. She watched him fiddle with her present for several minutes. It wasn’t until Theo bent down to plug it in that Mackenzie spotted what it was.

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed softly. She rushed to her desk, her fingers trembled slightly as she traced the plastic cover of the record player. Her heart sped up in excitement. She almost wanted to pinch herself to make sure that she was not dreaming and that there was an actual turntable on her desk connected to speakers.

She glanced off at the bag beside it and reached in, taking out the records inside. Arctic Monkeys’ _AM_ record was the first one.

“It’s actually the one from my collection,” said Theo. “Because I know you love them and I don’t.”

Joy flooded her senses, making her beam, “Thank you!”

“I always remembered that the way to your heart was German chocolate cake and vinyl records,” he replied, leaning against her desk. She bit her lip, trying to ignore the rush of affection that had descended inside of her. “I’ll get you the cake later.”

“No,” she answered breathlessly, “this is perfect enough.”

The next vinyl was one of Queen’s greatest hits, which made her smile grow. She could already imagine herself belching out “Bohemian Rhapsody” so loud that the rest of the floor would hear. Next was Incubus’ _Morning View_ album. Staring at the cover made her heartstrings tug uncomfortably so she quickly shuffled it away. The final album made her eyebrow rise.

“Bee Gees?! Really?” she asked, holding up the Saturday Night Fever vinyl for him to see.

“What?” Theo laughed, his chest rumbling. “You always like the old songs from my dad’s collection.” He took the vinyl from her and slipped it out of the sleeve. “I remember that you really liked this one.” He placed it in the player and set the needle on the record.

Mackenzie giggled, hearing the first song start to play. It was strange how a single song could pull her down memory lane. They had listened to this record first before watching the movie. Her mother loved the 70s, and after they had watched the movie, her mother told them stories of how she used to dress up and go out to the discotheque in her younger days. It always seemed like a fun time coupled with how good the music sounded.

_Oh, girl I’ve known you very well. I’ve seen you growing every day. I never really looked before but now you take my breath away._

Theo laced their fingers together and spun her in a circle before pulling her against himself. They waltzed around her small room, trying to avoid bumping into anything. Mackenzie threw her head back, a rush of laughter escaping her throat and mixing with the music. It felt so right with his hand on her waist, guiding her, and his other hand laced with hers.

“Do you remember the dance from the movie?” he asked with a grin.

“We never learned it!” She giggled when he spun her out again and pulled her back.

_There are stories old and true of people so in love like you and me, and I can see myself let history repeat itself._

“Do you remember the lyrics then?”

“It’s coming back to me.”

_Reflecting how I feel for you, thinking about those people then I know that in a thousand years, I’d fall in love with you again_.

And so she quietly sang along with the song, her smile never fading from her face. Theo was grinning too as he held her close. His eyes never left hers; they were brimming with a fervor that made her knees weak. She relaxed into him, though her heart felt like it might burst out of her chest. He guided her across the floor, their movements in sync.

The song ended, and their dance ceased. Their smiles faded and eyes locked, both aware of how close they were and hands still joined together. She could recall their first kiss: standing outside under an umbrella while the rain fell around them, Theo leaning in, her shyness overcoming her and looking down at her feet. She could remember Theo leaning back, disappointed, and when she saw that, she moved forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. She could remember how his face lit up in elation before pulling her into a longer, deeper kiss.

_This_ never felt like that moment. She couldn’t remember the last time Theo ever felt so warm against her ( _so inviting_ ) or even how comfortable she felt in his arms. His eyes flickered at her lips for the briefest of moments, and he was leaning in so close and she was too because this felt right and _god_ she wanted to kiss him.

The warmth of his lips against hers sent her head spinning, made electricity course through her from his touch. She untangled their fingers from each other, reaching up to cup his face, the stubble along his jaw prickling her fingers. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him as close as possible. She hummed against his lips, briefly parting. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and she could taste the faintness of beer and cinnamon along his tongue. Their lips moved against each other, an almost desperation brimming at the surface as if this moment was never enough.

They broke away, foreheads resting against each other while they tried to catch their breaths. Mackenzie rolled her lips together, savoring the tingle Theo’s lips had left behind. There was an exhilaration that came with alcohol, but it was nothing like how she felt right then and there. It was an elating feeling, being in love.

The record ended and began to emit a low skidding sound. Mackenzie glanced at it for a moment before breaking away from Theo ( _regrettably_ ). She lifted the needle from the vinyl and turned off the turntable. She faced Theo and leaned against her desk.

“You probably should go,” she said softly.

He watched her bite her lip, taking small steps towards her. “I don’t want to go,” he replied lowly. “I’d rather stay here with you.”

“But you should…”

“Can I just sleep in Kira’s bed?”

He stood before her, eyes glazed over in longing. He reached up, brushing a strand of hair out of her face before moving down to cup her cheek.

“I don’t think Kira would appreciate that,” she whispered, turning her head to fit in the palm of his hand, sighing.

“Then can I sleep in your bed? Platonically, of course,” he added. His other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her against him. The warmth of his body enveloped her, and there was no way she wanted to break away.

Her eyes fluttered shut, feeling his warm breath ghost against her skin. “Theo,” she breathed, “whatever is between us is anything but platonic.”

“I know…” Theo pressed his lips against her jaw, and her fingers curled into his arms. “Then maybe I should go.”

“Mm…”

He kissed her again, slowly, but more eagerly than before as if to draw out the time before he would have to leave. He murmured a goodbye into the kiss and she did the same but their lips continued to move against each because neither of them wanted to stop. Theo threaded his fingers through her hair, gently sucking her bottom lip. Mackenzie sighed against his lips, lightly raking her nails down his back.

“Drive safe, okay?” she mumbled in-between kisses.

“I will.”

Another kiss ( _long, just as passionate_ ) and then he was gone out the door. She knew he wanted to stay longer and part her wanted him too, but they had to be sensible. They were high on the moment, on the kisses, on each other; if it never stopped, they would have done something _she_ would mostly likely regret, and she knew Theo never wanted to be something she would regret. They had a taste of that already.

And so Mackenzie leaned against her desk again, her hands gripping the table so hard her knuckles turned white. She had done it. Opened the door wide open to something she thought she had closed forever. It felt incredible…until the wave of terror crashed inside of her.

“ _Fuck_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone new - hozier // more than a woman - bee gees


	7. January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year’s Eve. Sisters. Snow. _Theo._

> **I’m so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch  
> ** **Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch  
> ** **How do you do it? You got me losing every breath  
> ** **What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest?  
> ** **-Latch by Disclosure**

 

The Raeken house was a mess of black, silver, and gold streamers, bottles of champagne, music, and a banner reading ‘2016’. With the Raeken and Steren relationship established again, the Raekens had invited the Sterens over to help celebrate the incoming New Year with the rest of their friends. It was even better because Theo and Mackenzie were home from school and Heather Steren’s wedding was the following month.

A frown had formed on Sarah Raeken’s face and after staring for several minutes, she walked over to Heather, who was talking to several people. She excused Heather from the group and led her to a spot that gave a clear view of the couch.

“Do you see that?” Sarah asked, gesturing to the couch.

Heather raised an eyebrow, watching her younger sister and Theo sit on the couch together. Their bodies were turned towards each other, knees brushing occasionally. Mackenzie bit her lip and tugged on Theo’s tie playfully and he tugged lightly on a strand of her dark hair.

“Are they together again?” Heather asked in a hushed voice.

“I don’t know. I remember my parents saying that she hardly talked to him when they had dinner in Florida back in July.”

They watched on as Theo said something that made Mackenzie laugh.

“They look so natural together,” said Heather. She removed her phone from her wristlet and snapped a photo of them, Mackenzie’s laugh preserved along with the wide grin on Theo’s face. She turned to Sarah quickly. “Okay, as my maid of honor, you need to find out what’s going on from your brother. I know my sister and if I ask, she won’t say anything. Because if they’re back together, I will _throw_ my bouquet straight at her at the reception, and I will make sure David slings the garter _directly_ at Theo.”

They both grinned, almost jumping up and down in excitement. “Oh my god, we’ve been waiting for this forever! I was so pissed when he dumped her--”

“I know! And my heart just broke for her because she couldn’t stop crying and wouldn’t eat. Mom even made her shepherd’s pie, and she refused to eat it and she _loves_ that stuff--”

Heather and Sarah moved to another room, chatting enthusiastically.

From the couch, Theo had seen the whole exchange. He already knew what they were talking about; besides himself, no one else wanted them to be together as much as their sisters.

“Our sisters just saw us together,” he chuckled.

Mackenzie’s eyes darted to where Heather and Sarah were before and shook her head. “Oh no,” she groaned. “They’re probably gonna end up telling everyone we’re getting married next.”

Since the night they had kissed, Mackenzie had reverted back to how she previously was around him. Cautious, but not cold. She didn’t respond much to his texts and turned down his offers to hang out since they went home for winter break. But in his house, on his couch, was the Mackenzie he wanted. She tried not to flirt back with him, but her smiles and laughs broke through and it made his heart skip a beat. She was stunning in the shimmery gold dress that lit up just like her eyes.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?” he asked, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

She gave him a cautious look. “We’re not engaged. We’re not even together, Theo.”

“And why is that?”

She glanced down at their hands, and she pulled hers away, folding her hands in her lap. “Please don’t,” she said quietly.

“No,” he answered. “We’ve been dancing around this for months. You know I want us back together. What’s stopping you?”

She stared at the rest of the room; at their parents chatting, at the people dancing in the living room, at the people drinking and laughing. She bit her lip out of habit, one that he knew meant that she was nervous. But he _had_ to know. It was almost six months that all this had happened. He wanted her, and from the flirting and kisses to the cold shoulder, he didn’t know _what_ she really wanted.

“I need to sort it all out, okay?” she answered, not looking at him.

“What’s there to sort?”

Ire flashed in her face and she straightened up. “Don’t, Theo,” she commanded. “Just don’t!” She turned on her heel and disappeared through the crowd.

Theo cursed and punched the sofa. His frustration had pushed her too far and now she was closing off from him. It was not the way he wanted to go. He got up and went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

His sister leaned against the island bar beside him, giving him an expectant look.

“What?” he asked, though he already knew what she was after.

“You and Mackenzie,” she answered. “Start talking. I want details.”

He grabbed the bottle of whiskey downed a shot of it, letting the liquor burn his throat. “We’re not together. We’re not anything.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “What I saw on the couch didn’t look like ‘ _not anything_.’” She took out her phone and pulled up the photo that Heather had taken of them. “It looked like _this_. Two people who should be together.”

Theo grabbed her phone and stared at the picture. To an outsider, it would have looked like they were a couple in that photo; happy, in love. And they were in love; it just fell on Mackenzie on if she wanted to be with him again.

“Can you send me this photo?” he asked, grinning.

Sarah sighed and shoved her brother’s shoulder. “Can you focus here?” She snatched her phone back from her brother and quickly texted the photo to him, making him grin. “Listen, dumbass. I’ve put up with an awful lot from you when it came to girls. You broke the heart of your first girlfriend – my best friend’s little sister, by the way. I helped you sneak out all the little skanks you slept with so mom and dad wouldn’t know that they stayed the night. I helped you get rid of the girls who got too clingy.”

“And?”

His sister pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. “Stop being a pussy and go get her. Girls like Mackenzie don’t come around very often.”

Theo scowled at her. “You say it like I don’t already know. But this is down to Mackenzie if she wants me back.”

“She loves you, doesn’t she?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “I know she does. She just…hasn’t said it outright,” he answered.

“Have you?” Sarah took his silence as a no and rolled her eyes. “Persuade her. Tell her that she’s better off with you than alone. If she really loves you, she’ll take the risk of being with you again. When you’re in love, dignity isn’t worth _shit_.”

Theo grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took another swig straight from the bottle. He shook his head, relishing the aftertaste, the courage he hoped it would give him. He pat Sarah on the arm and began to leave. “I’m gonna find her.”

“Theodore.”

He turned back to her.

“If you fuck this up with Mackenzie again, I will _murder_ you,” she said seriously. “It’s not gonna be me who ‘almost’ hits you. I will murder _you_.”

“You and Heather just wanna be sister-in-laws,” he joked.

She smirked and shrugged. “True. But I’m looking out for your best interest as well as Mackenzie’s.”

Leave it to the older sister to give him advice. Theo kissed his sister on the cheek before searching the rooms of his house for Mackenzie. From the family room to the living room to the downstairs bathroom, nothing. He went upstairs to the second floor, checking the upstairs bathroom and all the bedrooms. Nothing.

He saw small flurries of snow falling outside his window, and that was when he spotted the familiar shimmery, gold dress in front of the house. Theo raced down the stairs and hauled the front door open. Mackenzie was standing outside the front door under an umbrella, watching the snow fall.

She glanced back at him before turning back to the flurries. “It’s pretty, isn’t it? It hardly ever snows here,” she said softly, a smile playing at her lips.

Theo shrugged off his jacket and placed on her shoulders. She murmured a thank you as she slipped her arms through it.

“It won’t stick,” he said, gesturing to the snow.

“No. But it’s still pretty while it falls.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist. They stood under the umbrella together, watching the snow fall and disappear upon contact with the ground. The music and chatter inside was so loud, it shook the whole house. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he muttered.

Mackenzie faced him, the corners of her lips turned up slightly. “You’re forgiven.”

He wanted to take Sarah’s advice. Say how much he’s in love with her and why. Tell her that he was tearing down the wall that he helped build around her. That he wondered for six months what it would be like to wake up next to her in the morning.

Everything he wanted to say was driven into a corner when the music turned down inside, and everyone began counting down to the New Year.

“5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!”

Theo grinned and cupped Mackenzie’s face, dipping down to kiss her. He poured everything he felt into that kiss because he knew he’d have the chance to tell her how he felt in the future. All that mattered there right now was their lips against each other, Mackenzie’s arm wrapping around his shoulders, and one of his hands running along her hips.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered against his lips and he grinned.

“Happy New Year,” he replied back. “A new year for us?”

“Don’t ruin the moment,” she chuckled and they kissed again, snowing falling all around.


	8. February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding. Rain. “I can’t do this.” _Mackenzie._

> **There’s something about the look in your eyes  
> ** **Something I noticed when the light was just right  
> ** **It reminded me twice that I was alive  
> ** **And it reminded me that you’re so worth the fight  
> ** **-Echo by Incubus**

 

Her sister’s wedding was, if not, perfect.

It had been on a resort outdoor terrace overlooking the water with the priest, bride and groom, and wedding party under a gazebo adorned in white roses and pink carnations. Everything had gone Heather’s way. There was not a cloud in sight, leaving the sky blue, bright, and warm. The flowers were on time, the reception hall decorated flawlessly, and everything accounted for.

Heather was stunning in her wedding dress, and Mackenzie and Sarah and the rest of bridesmaids were decidedly inferior in their coral pink dresses.

Tears brimmed in Mackenzie’s eyes as her sister began reading off her vows. _This_ is what she wanted; how she wanted to get married to the love of her life. She wanted that moment where her future husband would tear up at the sight of her when walking down the aisle. She wanted the moment of meaning every word in her vows. She wanted to experience the same joy that she could hear in Heather’s voice.

She stole a glance at Theo, who met her eyes. He grinned at the sight of her, and she felt his gaze never falter when she turned back to the bride and groom. Her stomach made twists and turns as if she were on a rollercoaster ride. She gripped her flowers a little tighter, knowing that the feeling wouldn’t go away.

* * *

After everyone had eaten, people had gathered in the center of the room to dance to the music. Mackenzie had danced with several people already: her father, her new brother-in-law, a few cousins, and friends. She wasn’t exactly avoiding Theo, but there was a ball of dread that had made its way inside of her. Avoiding him hadn’t exactly worked. She could hide in her room at home, but when their families were brought together like this or with friends ( _thanks Lydia_ ), he could draw her out somehow. He knew how to make her laugh, make her forget her misgivings, and it almost always resulted in a desire to kiss him. New Year’s Eve was proof of that.

Heather had been making her rounds to all her guests when she spotted her sister getting another drink at the bar. She lifted her dress up slightly and rushed to Mackenzie, gently grabbing her by the waist. Her sister jumped in surprise but relaxed once she saw who it was.

“I hope you’re not gonna finish all the liquor tonight,” Heather joked, eyes shining with mischief.

Mackenzie grinned. “I’m not a drunk!”

“But you can be, judging from those drunk Snapchats I’ve seen.”

A dark flush crept over her cheeks and a giggle escaped her.

Heather grasped both of her sister’s hands, pulling her in a little closer. “Actually, I came over here to tell you--” She glanced over her shoulder where on the opposite end of the ballroom was Theo, leaning against the marble railing that separated the dance floor and the tables. “--Theo’s been staring at you this whole time.” Mackenzie opened her mouth to interject, but Heather cut her off. “I know you don’t like to talk about what happened back then. But that was then and this is now. Both of you are completely different from how you were in the past. _Be smart_.” Heather gave her a reassured smile and squeezed her hands before moving on.

Mackenzie glanced back at where Theo was standing. Their eyes met and he grinned, toasting his drink to her. She took her glass from the bar and began walking to him. She didn’t know what it was she wanted to say or do, and she hoped that it would come to her when she was in front of him.

But a hand grasped hers and she looked down to see her little niece. “Auntie Mackie, come with me! I need you to settle something with me and Alex!”

“Okay then,” she answered with a smile. She took one look back at Theo before being dragged away by the little girl.

Perhaps whatever it was she wanted to do, it’d have to wait for later.

* * *

Her cheeks were pink. It was not because of her makeup but because she had spent the past two hours running after her nieces and nephews before hurrying to the dance floor to dance and sing her heart out to the songs.

Mackenzie stopped short when she saw that the blue sky was now covered with clouds and a steady rain was falling. No one seemed to be concerned, but nostalgia tugged her towards the door of the patio. She opened the double doors wide, letting the smell of rain waft through the ballroom. She leaned over the railing, extending her hand out to feel the droplets hit her fingertips.

“I feel like I’m fifteen again.”

She turned her head to see Theo beside her, their arms brushing against each other. She nodded her head, smiling fondly at the rain and every memory that seemed to come with it: cartwheels in the rain, racing Theo ( _and losing_ ) on the beach, and jumping in puddles with rain boots on.

“Me too.”

“Do you remember the time we made a fort in your living room with all the blankets and chairs in the house?” laughed Theo.

She laughed at the memory. “We had to crawl in order to move around because it covered the whole room,” she added.

“Your mom got so mad at us.”

“But then she made us chocolate chip cookies!” They both laughed, joyful, loud.

Perhaps it was a cruel twist of fate or perhaps it was Heather and Sarah’s doing. But the familiar tune began to float in from the speakers inside the ballroom, starting with the low, steady guitar riff and the cymbals before transitioning into the drums and the lyrics.

The laughter died on Mackenzie’s lips as she looked back at the ballroom. It was just like when she was in Theo’s bedroom in his frat house; nostalgia filled her soul, pulling her into the moment of when she was fifteen. Her heart could have burst out of her chest.

“I’m in love with you.”

It wasn’t the Theo in her memories that had spoken those words but the Theo beside her. He echoed the five words he said to her six years ago in almost the entirely same manner. She couldn’t fully remember (or perhaps she had blocked it out) what his eyes looked like when he first uttered the words to her, but they couldn’t have been how they looked now: earnest, honest, _unapologetic_. She could see it now in his face just how much he yearned for her.

She could feel it with his lips crashed against hers, his fingers tangling in her hair. Her nails dug into his back; she just needed something to hold on to because it felt like they were spinning beyond her control and she wasn’t sure how they were going to land.

Her sister’s words echoed in her head. _Be smart_.

 _Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you_.

She wanted to give in, let this feeling in her heart take control for her because _fuck_ , she was in love with him too and the words were on the tip of her tongue. But she could remember the taste of her tears the day he took back those words, tearing a hole in her heart that, at the time, she never thought would heal, and now here they were six years later with history possibly about to repeat itself. Panic overwhelmed her; she wasn’t sure if she could do it again, let herself be so vulnerable, only to suffer a broken heart.

“I can’t,” she cried, breaking away from him. “I can’t do this right now.”

Theo stared at her, stunned, as if he had been slapped in the face.

“I can’t do it with the rain and this song and _you_. I just can’t.” Tears stung her eyes and she disentangled herself from him. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

The dread inside of her commanded her to move, to _run_ , and so she did, leaving Theo alone.


	9. March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do love you, you know.” Firsts. Goodbyes. _Theo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIJLkqXbPYw) scene from Shameless between Fiona and Jimmy in season 5.

**And I could tell you  
** **That I won’t hurt you this time  
** **But it’s just safer  
** **To keep you in this heart of mine  
** **-And the Boys by Angus and Julia Stone**

 

The awkwardness was an elephant in the room.

It had been easy for Mackenzie to not see him, not speak to him, under the guise of school. Since the wedding ended, everyone had been bombarded with exams, papers, and projects. Even Lydia had no patience in trying to bring Theo around whenever she was with Mackenzie because she was so busy herself. Their paths were never meant to cross with their majors and the lack of frat parties being thrown.

It had been a miserable time for him. She had pushed him away and ran off, leaving him dejected in the rain and their song just finishing its play. He had tried swinging by the Steren’s vacation home after the reception. He tried to call her, text her, to ease her fears but she gave no response. He did what he had done when she had climbed out of his window; try to visit her dorm and other places she might have been hiding to catch her, speak to her, but the workload in his classes piled up and he had to stop.

Finally, the weekend before spring break started, Theo got his chance. Scott was having a kickback at the AGO house to celebrate the end of midterms, and Kira had dragged Mackenzie down to the house ( _thank god_ ). But it was painfully obvious that she didn’t want to speak to him. She averted her eyes away, avoided him, and always made sure she was around at least two people. When someone asked her what happened (because of course, everyone knew _something_ had happened at the wedding), she shook her head and refused to answer.

He watched her sit between Scott and Stiles, listening to them talk about something. She kept her eyes trained on them, knowing that he was on the other side of the room, watching her.

Lydia pulled up a chair beside him. “So what happened at the wedding?” she asked in a low voice. “Mackenzie wouldn’t say.”

He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. He almost didn’t want to say anything either, but the memory was so fresh in his mind that it made him ache. “I told her I was in love with her.” Lydia’s mouth dropped open. “Then she pushed me away and said she couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what? Be with you again?”

He didn’t answer. Even though Mackenzie was turning her head between Scott and Stiles, he knew she wasn’t actually paying attention. She was distracted, her mind anywhere but there.

“How did you first meet her?” asked Lydia.

His eyes snapped up to Lydia. It was such a simple question that he didn’t think he had answered before. “Middle school. She was in my class when I moved away from Beacon Hills.” They didn’t pay much attention to each other in fifth grade. She was friendly with everyone and he was the awkward new kid. “I remember that she used to only wear dresses and rain boots no matter what the weather was. It was cute, thinking on it now.”

“Then what about the first time you realized you liked her?”

Theo chuckled. He liked this story. “It was the summer before freshman year of high school. Our families found out that our vacation homes were down the street from each other.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Mackenzie glance up at him and Lydia. It was very possible that she had heard what he was saying because now she had one arm crossed across her stomach and one hand covering her mouth, a deep frown crossing her features. “I ended up going to a fair with her and our sisters, and I knew I had a crush on her then.” It was the twinkle of excitement in Mackenzie’s eyes that made him fall for her first. She was so thrilled to be there that she had dragged him around to almost every booth, game, and ride.

Lydia smiled and nodded. “I like this game. Tell me more. When was your first kiss?”

He grinned as the memory flashed in his head. “Mackenzie and her sister used to come home with me and my sister on the days that their parents were working late. And one day when it was raining, we walked to the convenience store and back for snacks.” He recalled that she got sour gummy worms that she ate on the walk back; he could taste them on her lips when they kissed. “And I wanted to kiss her, and I was going to, but she looked away. I remember feeling disappointed but then she gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Then I just kissed her again.”

Lydia beamed. “That’s so sweet!”

He continued to answer Lydia’s questions on his “firsts,” though observing Mackenzie throughout it all. It was undeniable that she was listening in. She had taken to staring at the floor, but she started to bite her fingernails and the frown became darker with each passing answer he gave her friend. At one point, Scott had gently touched her shoulder, concerned, but she shook her head. She didn’t move, didn’t speak until--

“Biggest regret?” asked Lydia.

Their eyes met when Theo answered, “Letting her go.”

Mackenzie rocketed off of her chair, almost running out of the room. Theo heard the glass sliding door slide open before slamming shut.

“What was that about?” asked Stiles, confused.

Theo got up from his chair, following Mackenzie out into the backyard. He spotted her standing in the gazebo, leaning her head against one of the pillars.

“You do that a lot. Run, I mean,” he said as he approached her. “Every time someone brings up something that triggers memories of our relationship six years ago, you run.”

She blinked, staring blankly at the vast open backyard. Her breath hitched in her throat as he went on, her hand tightly grasping the pillar.

“You climbed out of my window when you heard our song. You pulled away after we kissed. You ran out at Heather’s wedding. And now.”

She didn’t speak, not for a long time. Until finally, in a quiet voice, “I do love you, you know.” A small smile emerged on her lips though she appeared exhausted.

He reached out, grasping her hand in his. “I love you, too.” They stood under the gazebo, hands entwined, and he held her a little tighter because the ill feeling in his stomach told him that this did not have a happy ending. She was so close but it felt like she was about to slip through his fingers. “Don’t give us up, Mackenzie,” he pleaded. “We have a history that no one can replace. We’re right together.”

“But it’s not who we are anymore,” she answered, her voice trembling. A tear fell, and she brushed it away. “All of this. Us. It feels so familiar because we’ve been down this road before but it’s still foreign. We’ve _changed_ , Theo.”

Six years did that to people. He used to be the kid who made friends easily, who went on adventures exploring, and had eyes for only one girl. Then he had grown arrogant, overconfident, and as Jackson put it, became ‘everyone’s type.’ She used to be the romantic who sang her heart out, jumped in puddles, and twirled in the streets. She had grown up, realism now growing in the place of dreams.

“We can learn.” A desperation was starting to settle in. He _couldn’t_ lose her. “We can make up for lost time--”

She cupped his face and shook her head, a few more tears falling. He had broken hearts ( _a lot_ ) before but this was the first time that he was on the receiving end. It had been a shitty feeling when he wanted her back with his need for her unquenched. It was even worse when he realized that he deserved her bitter words from the damage he had inflicted on her when they broke up. But _no._ The flirting, the smiles and smirks, the kisses – everything from the past three months – made him believe that he did have a chance after all; that she would realize that she needed him too. Now they were here: the cusp of saying goodbye. _This_ was the worst feeling of all.

“I can’t. I can’t do it,” she cried, voice cracking slightly with hysteria. “No matter what, I keep thinking about how we ended, and I can’t go through that again. It took me a year and a half to get over you and it was the most miserable experience ever.”

He reached up, resting his hands on her waist. He wanted to relieve her fears, remove the scar he had inflicted on her though he didn’t know how. Instead, all he could whisper was, “I won’t hurt you this time.”

A sad smile flickered on her lips and she shrugged, exhaling deeply. “But it’s just safer this way…”

“There’s nothing safe about being in love,” he answered, using his thumb to wipe away the tears from her cheeks.

“You’re right. But you can’t guarantee that you won’t hurt me again or I won’t do the same to you.”

“You’re hurting me _now_.”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffed, trying to fight the tears that were building up. “I love you so much. A part of me always will because you’re Theo Raeken, the first guy I ever fell in love with.”

“Mackenzie--” _No, no, no, no…_

“I need you to stop. I _need_ you to let me go.”

There was a finality her words that made his heart drop.

She had spent a year and a half getting over him. He never went through the process of getting over the relationship he had ended. Instead, he jumped from girl to girl for years. Was it going to take him just as long to get over her? It seemed inevitable. She was tired of running, being confronted with the question of _them_. His mind went blank; he couldn’t find any way to change her mind.

“Please,” he pleaded hoarsely, “kiss me before you go.”

It wasn’t a kiss of passion or one of new beginnings. It tasted of tears and goodbyes. He tried to keep it going to hold onto her; every second with her in his arms mattered. But she eventually drew back and he was left alone, staring at her retreating back ( _like so many times before_ ). All he was left with was a hollowness that gnawed at him from inside.


	10. July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need you in my life.” Finale. _Mackenzie._

> **And so you’ll say, “I do; I do want you. Want me too.”  
> ** **You’re just in time  
> ** **I was thinking of lines for you  
> ** **I was singing words  
> ** **And now I can’t stop  
> ** **Now I can’t stop  
> ** **You’re just in time  
> ** **-I Love You, Sleepyhead by Lanterns on the Lake**

 

It was easy to forget about feelings by drowning in school.

Since _that_ night, Mackenzie had pushed herself hard in her classes, spending every waking moment she could to study, filling her head with formulas and equations. She did anything she could to not _feel_ or _think_ of what happened, but it was futile because it was exactly what she did when she lay in bed at night. It was all terrors of her past and the guilt of running away ( _again_ ) from Theo like a coward; tears stained her pillow often, choked back into silence so it would not disturb Kira.

She didn’t go home that summer. If she did, she would have only thought of Theo and the yearly trip to Florida would not have helped. So she appealed to stay on campus in her dorm, immediately studying for a certification as a pharmacy technician once the semester ended ( _all A’s_ ), and with her new job and summer classes, it was enough to keep her occupied.

“It’s better this way,” she repeated to herself, trying to squash the little voice in her head that said, “no it’s not.” Because it wasn’t better this way. The feeling she felt late at night was like the same one she felt when she and Theo had first broken up. She hadn’t been smart at all.

She had been unequivocally _stupid_ and this was her punishment.

* * *

Through her headphones, she heard the muffled voices of Lydia and Jackson talking. She didn’t pay attention to it; they were most likely flirting. She was taking notes when she thought she heard Jackson call her name a few times. She brushed it off, writing more. Finally, Jackson leaned over to tap her notebook. Mackenzie looked up, pulling her headphones off.

“What?” she asked, bemused.

“I asked if you’ve talked to Theo lately,” said Jackson, scowling at her.

Mackenzie let out an inaudible groan. All her friends and Heather had tried to talk to her since that night. She heard it so many times in so many different ways. Each talk had played on her guilt but she was stubborn and refused to show any emotion. The more she refused to act or speak about the subject, the more everyone got the idea that any attempt was a wasted effort. Finally, it was no longer brought up.

But this was the first time Jackson had brought it up with her.

“No,” she answered plainly. “That was the whole purpose of telling him to ‘let me go.’ He can’t very well do that if I speak to him.”

Lydia looked between her boyfriend and Mackenzie, worried about how this conversation would go.

“You need to get over whatever bullshit it was when you guys first broke up,” he snapped. “Because since that night, Theo’s been sulking around the house. Drinking anything that isn’t nailed down during parties, and he’s just been a fucking wreck. _Do_ something about it.”

“Jackson,” warned Lydia, placing a hand on his bicep.

The cold shower of shame flooded her, making her skin stand up on end. She kept her face steeled in neutrality; her mind’s constant screams of “ _coward!_ ” only seemed to get louder. Theo was wasting himself away because of her; in the same light, she was withering away in silence without him.

They were quite a couple.

“I didn’t realize that you were part of this relationship,” Mackenzie shot back.

“I’m looking out for my best friend,” he snapped.

He could have lunged at her if Lydia hadn’t grabbed her boyfriend by his arm, keeping him in his seat. Mackenzie quickly gathered her belongings and shoved them haphazardly into her bag. “It’s fine, Lydia,” she answered, giving Jackson a wary look. “I’m going back now. It’s been a long day.”

When she was out of the library, she sprinted back to her dorm, her lungs aching each time her feet hit the pavement. It finally dawned to her that all she did was run, and she wasn’t quite sure how to stop.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Mackenzie pushed herself away from her desk and glanced through the eyehole, immediately spotting Lydia’s strawberry blonde hair.

“You look like shit,” Lydia noted when Mackenzie opened the door.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” she answered, letting Lydia inside. It was an understatement; she had spent an hour crying again in bed (thankfully there was no Kira around to hear her) before she had gotten up to drown out her feelings in music and textbooks. Mackenzie rubbed her eyes as if it were to get rid of her dark circles. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Let’s go out,” said Lydia, beaming.

She sighed. “We have an exam on Monday,” she reminded.

“Yeah, Monday. We have tomorrow and Sunday to study for it still. So let’s use tonight to have some fun!” Lydia noticed the hesitation in her friend’s face. “Come on! Please? You’ve been drowning yourself in school for months. When was the last time you had some fun?”

Mackenzie rolled her eyes, moving back to her desk. “I don’t have time for fun.”

Lydia opened Mackenzie’s closet and began surveying the clothes inside. “Oh come on! When was the last time you went dancing? You, girl, need to relax. It’ll help improve your scores.”

“If you mean ‘get laid’ then I’ll pass,” she scoffed.

“No, I don’t mean ‘ _get laid._ ’ I mean drinks. And dancing.” Lydia gave her a sly smile and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Getting laid could be on the agenda, too.”

“Oh my god.” She crumpled up a piece of unused paper and threw it at Lydia. “Will you get out of here?”

“Not until you agree to come out with me tonight!” She crossed her arms and frowned. “I can stay here and annoy you until you say yes.”

Mackenzie let out a groan and got up, dragging her feet to her closet. “Fine. I’ll go.”

Lydia smiled triumphantly, throwing her arms around Mackenzie. “Ooh, thank you! Dress nice, okay? Meet me outside Vesper in an hour. We’ll have a few drinks before we go dancing!” She turned to leave before stopping. She gestured to the dark circles under Mackenzie’s eyes and added, “Best to cover those up with foundation and concealer, yeah?”

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. “Yes, I got it. Now go. I’ll see you later.”

With another beaming smile, Lydia almost skipped out of the room. “You won’t regret it!”

What did she just get herself into?

* * *

Mackenzie stood outside of a bar called Vesper. It was a more upscale bar that suited Lydia’s tastes with deliciously made cocktails. However, down the street was a nightclub, which Mackenzie suspected was where they would head to afterwards.

She fidgeted with the zipper of her purse. She rarely had any use for fancy dresses, and with what had been going on lately, she hadn’t taken any of them with her back to college. The nicest thing she had to wear was her white sundress, and it seemed so casual with how Lydia wanted this night to go.

Mackenzie glanced both ways down the street, searching for the easily recognizable strawberry blonde hair but caught no glimpse of it. Who she did spot made her breath hitch in her throat, and she almost wanted to turn the other way and run.

Theo had caught her eye and stopped short when he saw her. She almost expected ( _wanted_ ) him to walk around her and not say a word, but he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and walked up to her. His eyes averted to the ground and she bit her lip out of habit.

“Hey,” she greeted first, her voice almost like a whisper.

“Hey,” he greeted. He took the snapback off of his head and ran a hand through his hair. If she bit her lip or anything to relieve her anxiety, she knew for sure that Theo tugging at his hair was to relieve his own.

“What are you doing here?”

“Jackson said he wanted to get a drink at Vesper. What are you doing here?”

“Lydia,” she answered slowly, “wanted to get drinks here before we go dancing.” She almost wanted to laugh. They had been played. _Of course_. “Some friends, huh?”

“Yep.” Theo’s chuckle seemed somewhat pained. “Should have known the moment Jackson said he wanted to drink here.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. She wanted to say something, _apologize_ , do something to relieve the guilt she felt or say how she really felt. But fear was a heavy chain that was dragging her further and further under the water, and in this moment, she couldn’t breathe.

“I can’t do it, you know,” he said. She looked up, their eyes meeting. “I can’t live without seeing you. Hearing your voice, your laugh.” There it was again, the honesty behind his words, because Theo was no coward. He knew exactly how he felt and wasn’t ashamed to let her know. And deep down, that frankness was something she loved about him. “I need you in my life, Mackenzie.”

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. They all gathered in her throat, choking her into silence. And so she gathered what nerve she could because this moment was all she had left and if she didn’t take it, she would seal their fate away in misery forever.

She crossed the distance between them and kissed him.

One hand was locked behind his neck, the other curled around his bicep. His hands slid across her waist and up her back and this is how it was always meant to be with them molded against each other. He tasted like _home_ and she felt safe in his arms, and momentarily, her whim made her forget to be afraid of the unknown.

“So what does this mean?” he asked, hoarsely, when they broke apart, their pants coming out in short spurts.

“It means I love you,” she managed to croak. “And I’m sorry for being so stupid…”

“Good,” Theo chuckled, his smile genuine ( _relieved_ ). “Cause I’m the stupid idiot who loves you too.”

She returned his smile, elation flooding her, but fear was a predator starting to creep up on her. Of course with happiness, there would be pain lurking as well, and Mackenzie’s smile faltered for a moment. “I’m still terrified that you’re gonna hurt me, but--”

“I _won’t_ hurt you again,” he repeated, his gaze never faltering. “I promise.”

Perhaps he wouldn’t. Perhaps he would. She had no way to tell the future. She’d just have to take a chance after all.

 _Be smart_.

She laughed softly, tears starting to sting her eyes. “I never thought I’d be doing this again…”

Theo grinned, pressing his lips to her forehead. “You’re mine again,” he murmured.

Mackenzie nodded, “Yours.”

She leaned up to kiss him again but halted when she heard, “Finally!”

Mackenzie turned around to see Lydia and Jackson approaching them. Lydia was brimming with excitement, her beaming face never fading while her boyfriend looked equally smug.

“Only took a goddamn year for this to happen,” said Jackson with a smirk.

“Hey, fuck you,” Theo laughed.

Mackenzie swiped her loose tears from her eyes and then laughed, “Lydia Martin strikes again.”

“Of course!” Lydia curtsied with pride. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

Theo grasped Mackenzie’s hand in his own. “Come on, let’s go someplace else. Just us, not them.”

The smile didn’t fade from her face as she let her now-boyfriend, first love with a second chance, pull her away. Her guilt became a distant memory, replaced with the warmth of euphoria.

“Have fun!” Lydia called after them.

“Don’t forget to wrap up your cock!” Jackson added.

Mackenzie flipped him off, yelling over her shoulder, “Go fuck yourself, Whittemore!” She heard his loud laugh that eventually faded when Vesper did too. She didn’t know for sure where they were walking to, but as long as it was together was fine with them. She stopped when Theo began to lag behind, letting her walk ahead of him. She raised an eyebrow at him, “What?”

A shit eating grin appeared on his lips, full aware that he had been caught checking her out. “I like you in that dress.”

Mackenzie tried to remain stoic but a grin cracked through. “If you say that it will look better on your bedroom floor, I’m dumping you right now.”

“Nah.” Another glance up and down her body, and he added, “Well, maybe.” Theo let out a loud laugh as Mackenzie swatted his arm. He pulled her into an embrace; the smell of his cologne and the warmth of his body enveloped her like a blanket. “I was just thinking,” he whispered into her ear, “you always look good in that dress.”

There was more to his words than he let on, and upon realizing what he meant, a blush spread across her cheeks. She had done a 180 over the past year; she had walked away from him last year, wanting nothing to do with him, to willingly standing in his arms under the streetlight.

Theo had gotten his wish: her.

“You’re such a romantic,” she replied, smirking.

Theo’s grin grew wider, kissing Mackenzie. “Only with you, babygirl.”

* * *

Fin.


End file.
